attraction

I’m growing obsessed with the law of attraction. Energy flows where attention goes. Definitely.

Funny how some truths don’t sink in until they’re packaged in a clown suit. I’ve known of it all along, under a different guise. I think, because I’m so close to it, I’m blinded. And whether I’m summoning the universe, or God, does it matter? As long as I’m wrapped up in gratitude, and awareness, and progression. and I ask.. and believe.. and receive.

And lately, I’m all about visualization. Because, for me, that’s been the missing piece. My worn out shoes from the spinning mouse wheel are proof. And so now I take time, I’m still, I’m open. Finally, in tune to what I want. What it is I really want when all external pressure and internal dialog is stripped away. And to see it so clearly, so intensely. There is power in the mind.

So my latest thing, among all of this, is to direct my attention, my energy, my intentions so that they are in alignment with what’s on my list. I believe that’s where miracles happen, and people, circumstances and situations start to shift in surprising directions. And the most important thing, for me, is to stay aware of them and especially… act on them.

Focus

Focus…

not on their negativity and hypocrisy…but on my awareness, on my ability to step outside their mud puddle.

not on her demand for attention, her antics to be acknowledged…but on my self-sufficiency, on my professionalism.

not on their back-biting, gossiping, small-minded, hateful attempts of ego-inflation…but on being, doing, saying, thinking, projecting everything its opposite. On humility, first.

not on being invisible to them…but being free of them.

not on hostility…but on being open.

Open during every challenge, ruffle, burden, puzzle, irritation that comes…

Focus on that, for now.

Change

They say: “nothing stays the same”, “change is the only constant”, “All is flux; nothing stays still.”

And yet, why do the same things, the same people, the same situations repeat?
They move around me, randomly, in and out of my lap.
Movement is not change.

“Well, you must have not learned your lesson!”

Please. That lesson book has been stained with red ink, wrinkled pages, and slammed shut long ago. I’ve learned.

Trust me.

I’ve white-knuckled through the growing pains, already. I’ve shifted, acknowledged, amended, and changed.

So, why, this, again?

humility

I am intrigued by wisdom, by competence, by resourcefulness.
I am impressed by strength, by ability, by risk taking.
I respect professionalism, trusted authority, specialists.
But what does it for me… what really awe and inspires me….

Humility.

I don’t mean modesty, or submissiveness, or passiveness.

And I wonder if it’s even attainable in its purist form.

It doesn’t, to me, feel like a learned skill. (Sometimes a book, like a pill, is the first thing we reach for to find, build, attain something valuable.)

I think it comes, it just evolves, partly from consistently practicing other virtues that together changes you. But mostly, really mostly from carrying a load so heavy that only humility can carry it. And another load, and still more. All without complaint, or anger, or resentment. Because you trust there is meaning behind the burden.

I trust.

If I sense true, pure, earned humility in you. Then you are one of my heroes.

ego

I’ve been thinking today about how we all share basic, fundamental needs related to ego. And it’s how we manifest and feed those requirements that either elevates us or not. And the beauty is we have total freedom in our choices and decisions and actions.

I forget this truth. Because I want to “fit in”. Because I want to feel accepted. Because I want to boost my ego through the mirror of others. And I watch others, unconsciously at times, do the same through negativity.

I’ve always had this ability to be able to step back, apart from my ego, and through awareness..find the gap. I’m trying to live in the gap, in that small distance that allows me to pause and decide my next step rather than blindly feed the hole despite the damage I may inflict on myself or others.

Yes, I’m being general, maybe because the details are mundane and even boring. It’s the uncovering of each tangled root that interests me. That keeps me thinking and questioning and reaching to live above the dictates of my ego.

And the most important thing is ... I’m determined now to only invest in those who get it.

What i've learned this week:

Don’t hide, avoid, assume .. it makes things worse.

Be or even Act interested in everyone, even if you’re not…because soon you will be.

Don’t put up with or cave into gossip, backbiting, negativity, even if it’s coming from my own head.

Acknowledge and own up to my mistakes/bad choices…and Accept, without complaint, the natural consequences, especially when they seem painful and unfair.

Fix where you can, accept the fallout, move forward and do better. Be better. Even when others don’t… because sometimes, rarely, they will follow you.

And, especially, Gratitude for everything and everyone at every moment of every single day of my life.

Weary

I must remember the trite cliché .. “the joy is in the journey.. not the destination.” Because I’ll never arrive. And that’s the good news. There’s always the next thing. And sometimes two or three things. Actually, not sometimes… usually.

I’m still, still searching for my form of enlightenment. And it doesn’t, for me at least, come in the form of a tattoo, or a t-shirt, or a routine. For me at least, it comes in random pieces, during a late night, tearful walk with the dog. Or sometimes in the pages of the stack of books on my bedroom floor. Or even in the middle of a boring, staff meeting, when my mind is half engaged and half wandering. And lately, through fading pieces of bizarre disturbing dreams.

I can’t save or fix or even help what is broken around me. And maybe I’m not meant to. It’s their joy to find in their own journey. Who am I to disrupt or intervene?

And there are so many voices screaming so many opinions, I’m sick of the shouting match. There is way more grey in my world than there used to be. I sometimes long for the black and white again, but I refuse to be so naive. I want to be around those who can see the big picture. I want to know you if you are looking, questioning, searching, asking, open as I still am.

And if you are so sure of everything in your world, please, shut up about it. It's boring.