Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Me square, You circle

so my latest thing...cause i always have a 'thing'... goes like this.

this feeling that i don't ever, really, completely fit in. and the feeling is not new. it's been around for years, and more so in recent years. but lately i'm becoming aware of it in a new way. sort of looking at it from a different angle, without judgement. as a spectator.

i have various social scenes, where i'm amid groups with similar circumstances, positions, pasts. and me standing in the center of each community, surrounded by a circle of commonality. and me, the big red square peg looking for a way to shave my sides so i can just, for once, fit in.

to feel that feeling. of just for once....fitting.

and then today. as i sat once again in the center of the circle looking up at the clasped hands of homologue, the smiles of similarity.

this time i didn't have 'that' feeling. i had this feeling.

this feeling that i was exactly in the right place. this feeling that these big fat blue circles really need a big fat red square. and not one to mold and shape and change to fit itself into their center. i realized i could teach them what it's like to be a freaking red square.

so today i stopped. and i can't wait to see what happens next.


Rochelle said...

Nice! Was this because the environment changed, or was it your perspective?

must show up said...

amazingly, altering my perspective is slowly changing the environment.

Heidiat2nd said...

I have found that once your comfortable with the red square, all the blue circles forgot why the red square was different and maybe even "abnormal" and they wish to conform to being a red square. When you stop trying to conform, out of the ordinary becomes ordinary and you wont feel so out of place. I am really enjoying your blog...glad to have found it! :)